Many single young women navigating the dating scene read my dating advice column, The Babe Report, and email me with their frustrations regarding how tough dating can be.
What is the most common complaint among these single ladies? Indirect, passive men who have no solid plan, no clear intentions, and make dating feel exhausting instead of fun.
Granted, there’s some generalising going on here but think of it as a rule of thumb rather than an absolute. David Klow, a Chicago based psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center states, “Women like direct men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead.
When there is clarity and direction, she feels relaxed. If she can’t trust his movements, they step on one another’s toes. If he is direct and clear in his leadership, however, everyone wins.”
Here, I lay out the four main reasons women love dating direct men. If you want to become a direct man, understanding the appeal is a good place to start.
The Direct Man Doesn’t Cause Unnecessary Stress:
Dating should be fun, not stressful. It’s hard to trust the ambiguous, indirect type, and dating these kinds of guys usually results in the woman’s confidence level plummeting the longer she has to guess how he feels.
When you’re really present with a woman, you’re showing genuine interest and that’s what makes dating enjoyable. You should make her feel secure. Otherwise, her self-esteem is in jeopardy, and her self-esteem is a prized possession – something she won’t want to risk damaging by playing mind games with unenthused guys.
Sasha Daygame, direct dating coach, creator of The Direct Dating Summit and author of The Direct Daygame Bible: How to Meet and Attract Beautiful Women in Everyday Situations, explains that being the “mysterious type” results in nothing but complications: “The mystery method was popularised by the book The Game and encourages inauthenticity and awkward interactions.” As an alternative approach, Sasha recommends his direct dating method, which encourages honesty, authenticity and expressing yourself assertively.
The Direct Man Exudes Confidence:
Confident men are sexy as hell. And confidence stems from being secure with yourself and it takes confidence to be direct. Women are well aware that these two qualities go hand in hand.
April Masini, a relationship expert and the voice behind the Ask Apriladvice column, agrees that there’s something seductive about a direct, confident man: “Men who are straightforward, open and honest in a relationship project a sexy confidence, and that’s an aphrodisiac that beats oysters any day. Lots of men think it’s money or girth that women are after, but in reality we’re after confidence, a sense of humour and success – all of which require a man to be direct, straightforward and open.”
Direct men, or the alpha male type, are the type women are often the most attracted to. The reason for this has to do with a direct, confident man’s ability to really go after what he wants. A confident man will pursue the woman he likes. If you’re interested in her, pursue her. Women love it when you make plans with them in advance — bonus points if you follow up with her the next day.
The Direct Man Doesn’t Waste Her Time:
A direct man will be upfront and honest if he’s not feeling a connection after the first few dates, and he’ll have no problem being direct about how into a woman he is when he does feel a connection. Ambiguous men, however, often avoid being honest and would rather waste a woman’s time if it means they can side step an uncomfortable conversation.
The beauty of being direct is that women can feel confident knowing that if something is bothering you, you’ll be straightforward and talk about it, which puts everyone’s minds at ease. If you’re indirect and hard to read, it can be easy to assume you’re not all-in, that you’re avoiding being honest.
The Direct Man Wears His Heart On His Sleeve:
A direct man will not beat around the bush due to fear of rejection. He’s emotionally transparent and will communicate openly about what he’s feeling and thinking.
Dr Nicole Prause, a sexual psychophysiologist says, “Some people really struggle to communicate their emotions accurately. Desiring somebody ‘direct’ is actually code for wanting someone who is aware of their own emotions and can accurately communicate them, but also relieves some of the stress on the partner who is trying to accurately understand their emotions. When any part of this complex chain breaks down, it can be a source of conflict and could even be central to the relationship ending.”
Many women are more attracted to the emotionally transparent man than to a man who is closed-off. Back when we were girls, we may have been attracted to the mysterious, ambiguous man who was tough to figure out. Women, though, don’t have time for that. She wants you to tell her what’s on your mind instead of shutting off when something’s wrong.
Transparency is also what makes her feel like you’re all-in. It is key in relationships because it allows her to feel closer to you and causes the relationship to progress rather than fall apart. So if you really like her, be direct, and open with how you feel.