The beauty of being treated poorly in relationships is the power and self-respect you gain through your hard knocks.
A common yet understandable error that disempowered and oppressed people make is to question themselves and justify poor treatment by others.
The right person uplifts you and treats you with the respect you deserve.
If you find yourself questioning whether he loves you despite his hurtful behaviour, then you’ve answered your own question:
NO! He does not love you and it’s not because you are unlovable — it’s because his capacity to love is impaired and you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
You will know that you’ve found a good guy who loves himself and can, therefore, love you when he never does these 10 things.
Here are the signs that he doesn’t love you:
•He puts destructive habits before you: Addiction blocks a person’s ability to love.
Period. If the addiction is to substances, their love is even further diminished because it alters their mental and physical states.
Very few things in life are guaranteed, but you cannot ever be deeply loved by a person with addiction because they will always put their object of addiction before you.
• He threatens you physically, emotionally or verbally: Not only does it lower your self-worth, but chemically, the lows that come with abuse are so severe that the feel-good oxytocin released into the bloodstream when the abuser “loves” you again becomes addictive to you.
But this pattern is not love any more than a heroin habit is love. Nor should you go through such dramatic chemical and emotional swings.
Real love is grounded, trustworthy, and stable.
•He pressures you to do things you are not comfortable with: A classic sign of self-centeredness, a person who pressures you into doing things for him that you are not comfortable doing has no regard for you.
If you are an empath and giver by nature, you must especially watch out for this trap.
You feel good by giving, he feels good by taking — it’s the perfect storm that leads to destruction and classic dysfunctional relationships.
•He repeatedly fails to keep his word or lies to you: Without trust, there is no relationship.
Trust is the very foundation of your relational home. If he does not keep his word, you are not safe with him.
•He ignores or neglects you: Someone who really loves you knows how special you are.
He shows you care and attention because he truly cherishes you.
People who are neglectful are not available for love — to themselves or anyone else.
They are stuck at a very young level of emotional development and no matter how fantastic you are or what you do, he’s simply not capable of giving you the care you deserve and he never will be.
• He speaks in a disrespectful manner: Someone who speaks rudely in general and especially in your presence does not honour you, themselves or anyone else.
We teach people how to treat us. Putting up with disrespectful talk tells them their words are acceptable.
• Shows or acts on an interest in pursuing other women: It’s healthy, normal, and natural to feel attracted to other people whether or not you are in a relationship.
To act on this attraction is something different altogether.
Commitment is a sign of love and devotion. If someone is not committed to you, they do not really love you.
• Acts like your needs are a burden: We all have a need to be loved, appreciated, and cared for on emotional and physical levels.
If you suffered neglect or abuse as a child, you likely subconsciously believe that you are a burden, but it’s not true!
You deserve a mate who is capable of treating you like a precious gem worthy of the best.
• He criticises, disparages, or belittles you: Generally speaking, criticism beats a spirit down.
Most people criticise themselves enough.
The last person we need to hear more negative feedback from is our partner.
There is a difference between a person who offers helpful suggestions and one who criticises.
The latter causes you to feel bad about yourself. Don’t tolerate it. Not for one second.
• He makes the focus about him, constantly: A healthy, loving partner appreciates your love but does not demand it for his own ego gratification.
Anything that’s imbalanced, including relationships, is subject to disease.
You’ll have an intuitive sense when someone is sucking your energy.
Pay attention to that inner knowing because it will only get worse