In the wonderful world of sexuality, few concepts are as poorly understood by the public as the female orgasm. In fact, for hundreds of years, the female orgasm’s existence had been denied, or even decried as a mortal sin.
It’s only in the past half-century or so that women’s orgasms have truly started getting the understanding and attention they deserve, thanks to the pioneering work of sex researchers and the efforts of the feminist movement.
But exactly how do orgasms work? And how can you make a woman orgasm? In this article, we’re going to take the time to demystify the science behind the female orgasm and answer all your burning questions.
The orgasm is one of the stages of the human sexual response cycle. It’s characterised by intense feelings of pleasure, rapid breathing, a ramped-up heart rate, and a series of involuntary muscle contractions around the region of the genitals, which are engorged with blood. Orgasms can last up to 30 seconds and are followed by a stage known as the resolution phase, during which blood drains from the sex organs.
The male orgasm coincides with ejaculation, during which semen is squirted from the penis. Men’s penises usually go flaccid after their orgasm as they enter a phase called the refractory period where they can’t orgasm again for some time.
Women orgasm somewhat differently from men. For one, while the feeling of pleasure for men is mostly localised to the penile region, women experience orgasmic pleasure from head to toe. Also, unlike men, women have a very short or even no refractory period, and can even achieve multiple orgasms if they’re further stimulated.
Some women experience a form of ejaculation when they orgasm, squirting fluid in the process. Research on female ejaculation is fairly limited, but it’s thought that the fluid comes from Skene’s glands, which are responsible for helping lubricate the vagina when the woman is aroused.
Research shows that only 18% of women are able to achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. This is in sharp contrast to men, who are almost universally able to achieve orgasm during penetrative intercourse.
Female orgasms are powerful, full-body sensations and the descriptions that women give when talking about them are pretty telling.
Women have described orgasms as an “overwhelming warmth” that “washes over [their] body.” They’ve also called it “the best feeling in the world” and even “electric”. Others have used metaphors like being on the summit of a rollercoaster, or a waterfall crashing over a cliff.
Vaginal orgasms aren’t the only kind of orgasms that women can experience. There may be many different kinds of orgasms that can even occur concurrently with simultaneous stimulation. Here are some of the most common ones, and how to make a girl orgasm with each type.
Vaginal orgasms penetrate deeply throughout the body, radiating from the genitals. The muscular vaginal walls contract rhythmically during these orgasms.
How to achieve it: The most well-known kind of orgasm is actually the hardest to get. Aim for sexual positions that achieve maximum depth and use constant communication to ensure that the best spots and rhythms are maintained. You can also try using vibrators and other sex toys when you’re alone.
When the clitoris is stimulated, a separate orgasm explodes across the surface of the skin, eliciting a tingly feeling.
How to achieve it: Use back-and-forth or circular patterns of fingering or oral play along the clitoris. Be careful to watch your intensity, as the clitoris can very rapidly become hypersensitive after it’s filled with blood.
The g-spot is tucked away inside the vagina and often requires special positions or unique fingering foreplay styles.
How to achieve it: Use a come-hither motion, fingers curling upward and inward about 2 inches into the vagina. Achieving g-spot orgasms without a partner can be challenging, but masturbation with curved sex toys can get you there.
Unlike men and their ejaculations, women don’t have a clear marker for orgasm, so you need to rely on clues about your physiology to determine if you’ve just orgasmed.
One way to find out is to see if your skin is flush. This usually happens anyway throughout sex, but it can get unusually intense after an orgasm. You can also lightly touch your genitals if you suspect you’ve orgasmed. If they’re unusually sensitive, you may have climaxed.
With all of that said, it’s a feeling that’s hard to mistake. You can study up on the physiological factors all you want, but at the end of the day, if have a real orgasm, you will know it!
If you’re not sure if you’ve orgasmed, then you probably didn’t!
Even after following tips and learning as much as they can about each kind of orgasm, some women still have problems achieving it during penetration. At this point, the lack of orgasm may be due to certain external factors.
Sitting all day, especially at an office, is associated with many things from bad posture to heart disease. Now, you can add difficulty with orgasming to that list of harmful effects. Try switching to a standing desk or exercising more.
Lubrication is a large part of orgasm, and all that fluid needs to come from somewhere. Keeping yourself hydrated will not only help you orgasm better, but it also provides a whole host of additional health benefits.
Birth control medication and antidepressants are well-known for their unpredictable effects on sex, and one of those effects is difficulty in achieving orgasm. If you remember being able to orgasm before you started your medication, it sounds like you might want to consult with your doctor to see if your meds might be affecting your orgasm.
At the end of the day, the brain is the biggest sex organ. If you’re feeling insecure about sex, or you fear losing control, then you’ll never truly allow yourself to let go and orgasm. Try to communicate with your partner and get yourself to feel more at ease with them. If it’s not working, you may want to consider therapy.
The female orgasm can be an earth-shattering experience! It’s not always easy to get there, but once hit the jackpot, it’ll be well worth the journey.
However, sex isn’t just about orgasms. The entire experience from desire, to foreplay, all the way up to cuddling in the afterglow, is what’s important. Don’t neglect pleasure in the other areas of sex just because you’re hyperfocused on getting the big O!